You just got back from seeing your doctor, you got news you weren’t expecting to hear. You can’t believe it, this can’t be happening to you! But it is happening to you.
By Valerie MacLeod, a bladder cancer survivor. Inspired by the book Rollercoaster of Change™ by Stephen Haines (www.HainesCentre.com).
SHOCK & DENIALIn the Shock & Denial stage of the Rollercoaster you can’t believe what the doctor has told you, you hope the tests were mixed up at the lab, you pretend that nothing happened. Often people search for information about bladder cancer, spending hours on the internet. These are all normal reactions along with loss of energy, feeling numb or isolated, feeling tense and having an upset stomach.
We go through these feelings every time we are told news that comes as a surprise. The doctor calls to say you’ve got bladder cancer, there is inflammation on the lining of your bladder, or even the cancer is gone – all of these expected pronouncements will put you into Shock & Denial. Depending upon factors like what the news is and how many times we’ve been through the Rollercoaster will determine how long you stay in Shock & Denial.
To move along the Rollercoaster, you need to realize that this is happening to you, you need to stop denying and accept the facts. By talking with your family & friends, getting on websites like www.bladdercancercanada.org and looking towards the future you can also help get yourself out of Shock & Denial.
ANGER & DEPRESSIONWhen you are in Anger & Depression you are confused, anxious, angry, frustrated and depressed. You lack energy, feel less productive and have continued physical symptoms like stomach upsets, pounding heart and tense muscles. All of these responses are natural and normal.
All bladder cancer patients go through Anger & Depression, but we can cope with it by talking with family & friends, seeing a counsellor, venting in support groups, posting your feelings and frustrations on www.bladdercancercanada.org.
When dealing with a disease, people will often let “being sick” become their identity, their personal identity becomes the patient rather than the survivor. Just because you’re sick doesn’t mean you can’t retain the spirit and personality you had before your diagnosis.
Take control over something in your life. Being diagnosed with bladder cancer may make you feel like you have lost control over everything, especially since you have lost control of your body. But when you relinquish total control to a disease, you are, in essence, already throwing the towel in and saying your life wasn’t worth much anyway. A better coping strategy is to take control of what you can (it could be as simple as organizing the garage.)
Say “No” to things which are not as important as your health and family right now. Save your energy for healing and managing the bladder cancer, and for the people who are important in your life.
Use your support systems: family, friends, community, church and support groups. Don’t be afraid to reach out for support because the stronger your support system and the more open you are with your feelings and concerns, the more mentally and emotionally better off you’ll be. Don’t go through this alone.
Take care of yourself – physically, emotionally and spiritually. Spend time in nature, with a good book and your pets. Eat a healthy diet, exercise and reduce unhealthy chemicals in your life. Immerse yourself in a hobby and watch humorous movies.
HOPE & READJUSTMENTSometimes people never get to the Hope & Readjustment stage of the Rollercoaster. They choose to stay in Anger & Depression for a long time. This is because there is a Hang-In Point between Anger & Depression and Hope & Readjustment stages where people make a choice to hang in and go through the final two stages or whether to remain long-term in Anger & Depression. However, it is healthier for you if you move through all four stages of the Rollercoaster instead of getting stuck in one place.
In Hope & Readjustment people start to feel more positive, they are more hopeful about the future and feel more energetic.
This is a time to celebrate and to give back to the people who have supported you. You should thank your family and friends. You could also support other bladder cancer patients on CBCAN.org who are experiencing things you just went through. You should also continue using your support systems and taking care of yourself.
REBUILDINGThe final phase of the Rollercoaster is where you have come to accept the new reality. Whatever changes you have experienced become the “new norm.” It is a time to celebrate how far you have come.
The four stages of the Rollercoaster are natural, normal and highly predictable. You will go through the stages even if the news is good. You will go through it much quicker if you receive an “all clear” on a cystoscopy, but people are psychologically wired to experience these stages whenever an unexpected change happens.
Unfortunately, we do not travel through the four stages on a smooth trajectory. We sometimes stay in one phase for a while and backtrack to a previous stage. We all travel through the stages at different speeds. All of this is normal.
Knowing what to expect at each stage of the Rollercoaster of Emotions will help you manage the myriad of feelings you will experience. Remember, you are not alone on this journey. We are all in this together!
